My journey starts now

So lately I have come to realize I have issues. And that's not to say that i never thought i did. It's just that recently those issues have surfaced and are demanding to be dealt with. To no longer be shoved under the rug where they constantly pollute the woman i was meant to be. Out of site out of mind and damaging me beyond belief. The problem is i feel like i have no idea where to start. I can see the million miles in front of me that must be walked out. The road is filled with pot holes, distractions and large mountains. The exciting news is that at the end of the road is an amazing promise that is meant just for me. I have caught glimpses of this promise through out these past 2 years however i still have not come to grasp a full understanding that this can be mine free of guilt and shame. That i no longer have to punish myself when God has already said you are forgiven and a new creation in me.... Why can't I get this!! I find myself getting so frustrated. It reminds me of Romans 7:15 "I do not understand what i do. For what I want to do i do not do, but what i hate i do." I know what the bible says, I know those promises are mine, i know these things, but i do not KNOW them.

I recently confessed all of this to an amazing woman of God who has grasped this. She is a mighty warrior holding tight to all that God has called her to regardless of how she's feeling at that moment. She has made sure to tell me she still struggles and life happens to her too but she an inspiration to me. She makes acceptance of God's promises seem possible.

With the holy spirit, the prayer of those who i have shared my story with, and her wonderfully practical advise I plan to walk out these promises here on my blog. All the pain, frustration, real every day emotion that comes with letting God fix the broken hearted displayed for all to see. I have been really good at hidding everything from everyone including myself. I refuse to do that anymore. I am going to shed some light of the truth into the dark areas of my life and begin to walk this out daily one small step at a time, the whole time being guided by God and the people he has set around me to be a witness. There's accountability and support in sharing your walk with fellow believers. This will not be easy as i hate being vunerable and seen as weak (can we say prideful!!) But i believe this is going to affect all areas of my life as i begin to allow God in the areas i have kept him out of for so long. The way i run a ministry, the way i speak to others, the way i view myself, my personal beauty inside and out, the example i set before my kids will all be for the better.

I know that i am not the only one who struggles with this and my prayer is that as i make these steps and draw closer to God that other women would someday consider my story an inspiration and know that the ever loving heart of God is not only meant for them but possible for them to recieve. Well here goes!!! My journey starts now.

Longings of the Heart

Longings of the heart
Secret
Seeking to be known
Yearning to be found, to be heard, understood, validated
passion hides behind the wall of the heart
gasping for air searching for light
lost
fear arises
a mask worn to fool the world
safety with cost
undue sacrifice
silent suffering
deceit....
scars deepen
confusion, chaos
emotions rise
cut open
broken inside
healing lost behind shame
guilt
pain
Longings of the heart made to be set free

My mom

I just had to blog about my mom. Most of you know and love her. But she really truly does have to be one of the coolest women i know. Something about her makes me giddy excited when she comes around. I know i am about to have a good laugh and a great time when she's there.

Yesterday she came into the thrift store and usually Thursday and Fridays are my suck days cause the end of the week is here and i am now exhausted. But anyways she came into the store to bring me some fruit snacks for the girls.. She made to sure to tell me twice that they were for the girls ONLY. She had gone to the store and bought me a colander and the coolest metal salad bowl i had ever seen. It was so cool. Everyone thought it must be my birthday. Nope it's just another day and my mom loves me. She then pulls a roll of breath savers out of her pocket and lets me know that since i can't eat the fruit snacks she bought me those.... (is that a hint mom??!!) She just thought it would be funny to see the look on my face, she got me licorice too! (licorice looks so much better after receiving a roll of breath mints)
By the time she left i was on an emotional high.She made my day.

Let me tell you why she is so special......

Besides the gift thing, which she does all the time by the way, she taught me it's ok to laugh when i fall or make a mistake, everyone else is anyways might as well join them. She taught me kindness and sensitivity, she taught me to follow what was right no matter how i felt or what other people were doing. She taught me to find joy in ugly situations and that i am in charge of how i feel about things. My attitude my choice. She is a quiet listener and doesn't give too much advise but she hears and empathizes with every word. She is genuine, honest, caring, thoughtful and CRAZY!! Life is never dull or boring when she is around. She makes trips to the doctors office the most fun i have ever had. I have never giggled harder than i have with her, i have never smiled as often as i do with her, i have never felt so safe, loved and at home as i do with her. God has blessed me with an amazing mom and i am so grateful to her for the woman that she has helped me become.

Beauty

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.....Thank God that He is the beholder and not the world. Insecurities have been spoken into our tender hearts year after year. The fear that we are never enough that no one could possibly love the physical and emotional scars that we feel are very visible to the world. A lie. A big fat ugly lie and we believe it. It's easier to believe the lie than to believe we are a beautiful masterpiece formed by the creator Himself!! We were formed by the artist that makes no mistakes. The artist who stands back and looks at the canvas and is nothing less than pleased. None of His paintings are discarded. Every one is treasured with their very own spot in His gallery of beauty. We are works of art that have been polluted by our sin and the sin of others. But God is faithful to restore and renew, bringing back what he has called priceless to it's original beauty. Only through His eyes can we see our beauty. Only through His thoughts can we know our true purpose. Only through His heart can we know our true worth. Only through Him can we ever be whole.

A Child Dies

I am calling out to all who can hear........


You can change the world and save someone from tragedy......

You might say i am only one person and what can i do to change the world. Fact of the matter is you can save someone.....

I cannot fathom falling to my death because i am thirsty. Nor can i imagine a child i know and love going through the excrutiating pain of starvation.

But i can give $7 a month....

That to me means so little but to someone else it means life.I have not only the power but the responsibility to help....

I am calling everyone who ate today, Everyone who had something to drink to rise up and go beyond themselves and serve a greater cause.....

Join my team and thousands of others who refuse to sit by and pretend they didn't know....


Below is an article from the mocha club website explaining the cause

Click the link to save a life

http://mochaclub.org/joinme/Tiffani_White/15


Darfur has been entangled in a deadly conflict for over three years. At least 400,000 people have been killed. More than 2 million innocent civilians have been forced to flee their homes and now live in internally displaced-persons (IDP) camps in Sudan.

By supporting "Sudan Regrowth," you will be sustaining two projects:The first is in the village of Nyamlel, where you will help fund an orphanage for 400 children that have fled as orphans, as well as provide care and rehabilitation for former sex slaves. This work provides all the necessities, including medical care and education.

The second is the relief efforts for those who have fled to the wild with no shelter. You will provide mosquito nets to prevent malaria, wells for clean water, tarps that serve as shelter from the elements, food, and desperately needed medication.

Two Rebel Groups have the political aim of compelling the government of Sudan to address underdevelopment and the political marginalization of the region of Darfur. In response, since early 2003, the Sudanese government's regular armed forces and the Janjaweed (gov’t backed militia) have targeted civilian populations and ethnic groups from which the rebels primarily draw their support. Please become an active part of the solution.





Message from
Sanctus Real


A genocide is happening in the Darfur region of Sudan, and we as a band are asking you to partner with us to provide life-saving items such as mosquito nets, tarps, food, and medication for illnesses such as waterborne diseases, diarrheal diseases and malaria to the refugees in this area. For the past 30 years, Sudan has been wracked by civil war between the Muslim northern government and the primarily Christian Sudanese in the south. In recent years, a militia known as the "Janjaweed," backed by the Sudan government, has been eradicating villages of people in Darfur. People are literally fleeing for their lives and making new homes out of straw or whatever scraps they can find. They scavenge for the basic necessities of life and live in constant danger of being killed or raped.

Will you join with us to provide the basic necessities for the people of Darfur? Your $7 a month can provide things such as food, clean water, and desperately needed medication.

By giving up 2 mochas, you CAN make a life-changing difference for these people.


http://mochaclub.org/joinme/Tiffani_White/15

Warning!!! Exploding Chickens!

OK wow so i thought i would make this awesome meal. Chicken with mashed potatoes and green beans. I was feeling pretty good about the whole thing. I bought the bag thingy for the chicken. Easy enough right? I put the chicken in the bag put the bag in a glass Pyrex pan and into the oven, I was on my way to one delicious dinner..... That was until i dared to check on the chicken! The bag had puffed up so much that i could hear the plastic stretching beyond it's capacity so i did what any strong, brave woman would do...................... I ran............and i got someone who didn't know better, to approach it. Before the bag could be deflated an explosion occurred............Not the bag mind you it was the Pyrex pan..... Thousands of tiny glass pieces all over the kitchen floor, inside the oven, the sink, you name it there was glass..... So i give this out as a warning, cooking is dangerous from now on just eat out.....

Lord help us

We serve such an amazing God. This week I was reading John when Jesus was praying for his followers right before he was arrested. The thing that caught my attention was He knew that He was about to die, to be tortured in some of the most horrific ways possible and His concern was not for himself. Which is exactly where my concern would be. His cry was for us.......For me........2,000 years ago my Lord and Saviour was praying that I would have his joy,that I would be kept safe from the evil one,and that i would see His glory. He consistently showed selfless love.
Who are we to complain and make excuses. How dare we justify not praying for someone or sharing His love. God help us to love like you love, to see what you see, and be what you want us to be. I pray against the temptation to be lukewarm and comfortable. All that you say is true and this includes hell. I pray that we don't keep you a secret, that the world can't help but know your love through us. Give us courage,wisdom,strength,endurance, and passion for your kingdom.