Silence

It's in the moments of silence that I begin to wonder if God is still there. Does He still care? Doubt rushing in, fear that my relationship with Him is slipping. Maybe if I read more He wouldn't be so silent. Maybe if I prayed more His voice would meet my ears. Maybe if I would serve more I would be given the honor of hearing His voice.

But I have come to realize it's in these moments that He is working more than ever in my life. He is stretching me, breaking me, renewing me, building me. It's in these moments of silence that I have learned to persue my God harder. To search deeper. To run after Him with my whole heart.

I have learned to accept theses times of silence with my hope in what I know to be true. That He will never leave me nor forsake me. That He will continue His work in me until it is complete.

The silence He gives is a gift for my soul.God is taking me deeper, swallowing me whole.

May my heart never cease to break

My heart has been in a continual state of brokenness. I never want it to change.

In the last 2 years God has brought people into my life that I had never paid much attention to before. At times I did what I could to help but they were in no way a front runner of my priorities. I didn't have a heart for them, I loved them, I guess. I never thought for once that I would hurt for them, cry for them, and pray for them as passionately as I do today.

God I pray that my heart never cease to break for the lost, hurting and confused. God hear my cry and my heart, use me for your glory. May your kingdom increase as your people fight for those who have been taken captive. May we never let go of your promise and your call on our lives. May we love like you love. God, words cannot express the pains of my heart, show me how to reach the lost. Your love never ceases to amaze me. Use me God, use me!

Let me ask you a question.....

Dan
Cameron
Kentucky
California
Tammy
Jose
Joseph
Jerry
Guy
Jeremiah
Curly
Allen
Dave
Effron
Randle
Amanda
Van
Jay
Nathan
Deb

Let me ask you, do you know the names of those in need in your city?
Would you walk, laugh, cry, and pray with them?
Would you see the beauty they hold inside?
Or would the dirt and the smell of hard liquor turn you away?
Are they on your heart and in your prayers?
Have you asked God if you are called to minister to them?
If He said yes would you go?
Have you felt the tug on your heart to reach out and ignored it?
Do you see them the way God see's them?
Let me ask you, do you love them the way you love yourself?

Everyone of these names belong to person God wants to have a relationship with. Some of them already know and love God.

I want to talk about a beautiful woman that we have met on several occasions. Her name is Tammy. She has lived on the streets for several years. Her sister, parents and husband have all died. She is an alcoholic and even though she is ashamed of this fact she will not hide it from you. She hates that she is homeless and she hates her addiction even more. She is in LOVE with Jesus! She carries her bible in a purse she keep close to her chest. "I keep my bible close to my heart" She reads nightly along with her friends Dan, and Kentucky. She is amazingly beautiful and full of faith. In spite of the life she lives she puts her hope in eternity with Jesus. Today she hugged me and cried, I hugged her tighter and reminded her that God has not given up on her and that through him her addiction can be healed.

Do you think that maybe, just maybe I will get to worship God for all eternity in heaven with this woman? I do.

Let me ask you, do you know the names of those in need in your city?
Would you walk, laugh, cry, and pray with them?
Would you see the beauty they hold inside?
Or would the dirt and the smell of hard liquor turn you away?
Are they on your heart and in your prayers?
Have you asked God if you are called to minister to them?
If He said yes would you go?
Have you felt the tug on your heart to reach out and ignored it?
Do you see them the way God see's them?
Let me ask you, do you love them the way you love yourself?

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Words

Words are powerful. I know I am not the first one to make this statement nor the last. Words are powerful.

Today I watched a usually vibrant, talkative, outgoing woman reduced to an insecure, hurt, confused, woman with no voice. As I walked up to her I noticed her body language had shifted from open and warm, to withdrawn. She didn't notice me as she usually did, she didn't look up at me until I had reached her counter. When I said hi, in a cheery voice excited to see her working, I was met with eyes that were full of pain. Redness now covered the once radiant beautiful blue eyes and she barely choked out a hello. When I asked how she was doing she told me she was fine as her voice broke and she tried to keep the tears from her eyes. After a few moments she quietly told me that she had been told she's too talkative and that people don't like that. She needs to stop interacting so much with her customers and remain professional. As she spoke she looked at me with confusion on her face as she asked "Does it bother you when I talk to you?" My heart hurt for to watch this transformation of a woman going from full of life to an empty shell. It wasn't that she was corrected. She can handle this. It was that the very essence of who she was, was no longer acceptable.

Lord I pray that in correction we can also be encouraged. That when giving correction to others we don't tear down the very person that they are. God I pray for a discerning heart. To know who we are and what you say about us. I pray that we learn whatever lessons you have for us in the midst of hurtful words. Above all I pray we never forget the grace and love that you pour over us every single day covering the mistakes we make.

Why so serious?

Why so serious? I have found myself asking this question. Why so serious? Does being serious equal maturity? Does it make everything all better and the problems disappear? Do I accomplish more? Are my kids happier? Am I happier?

Nope.

A big fat Nope.

I am a goof by nature. I used to want to marry Johnny Bravo. I collected surge wrappers and had a huge ABC gum collection. I would race my mom to the bathroom not cause I had to go but because she did. I would giggle like a little girl til I felt like crying. I still love cartoons. Sponge Bob makes me bust a gut. I cross my eyes and stick out my tongue just because. Ask me to tell you a secret and I will burp in your ear. I dance in my living room at the end of a great movie. I wrestle my brother for whatever it is he has in his hands that I wanted. I get giddy when it's close to Christmas (like starting in September) I love it when my mom rubs my hair still to this day.

Yet I have lost site of all this. I feel that if I act this way judgment would come flying quickly behind it. And yes while there is a time and place for everything I forget that there is a time and place to be fun, quirky, goofy, giddy. To not loose site of the crazy girl that I am and what I love so much about myself.

I'm not a serious person. I've become one. And I'm miserable... Completely miserable. I allow myself to feel guilty for having fun and acting in a way that I feel others would call immature.

But check it. My kids love that side of me. They need to see me laugh and let loose. I don't do it enough and they are now the ones who have become serious. My kids are mini me's and that is a miserably serious person who has forgot that full life includes fun. I can be mature, responsible and a good mom at the same time goofy. So look out people Tiffani got her groove back!

My Everything

I dance beneath the romance you pour over me
Lost in your love I find peace
I was made for these arms
Your eyes, your heart
I can hardly breath as
I bath myself in your love
I'm in love with all you are
Amazed I would find not a prince but a King
A King who would choose me
To live with Him for all of eternity
Never once have you left me alone
Every tear captured
The joy in my heart
The smile on my face
Is found in the intimacy of your grace
My heart beats stronger when I hear your voice
My love last longer when caught in your embrace
I love you my King
My love
My everything.

Faith it's easy right?? Right??

Faith....Faith is not complicated. Faith is easy for the smallest of children and each and every one of us live daily in faith. Faith that when I set my alarm it will wake me up at the time I set it for. Faith that when I get into my car I will end up where I set out to go. We daily put our faith in things, science, people, money, nature, food, building structures. Like I said faith is easy.

Faith can also be the most complicated thing in the whole world when partnered by fear. The "what if's" in life.
What if that wasn't what God called me to do? What if I make a mistake and fail.......What if I jump and you don't catch me? What if it's too hard and I quit? Faith stops dead when these questions begin.
Does that mean we foolishly jump at every whim to do something?
no.
But standing still afraid to walk a path without knowing every twist and turn, without knowing the end result will stop us from being able to do what God has called us to do.
Being afraid that it will be hard, uncomfortable, and scary are not reasons to say no. I have once heard it said.

"we need to learn to lean on God's understanding and not our reality"

I personally have faith that God creating the whole universe is truth in it's purest form.
I have faith in God just not in me......

Correction. I don't have faith in God in me.

I am constantly afraid that I am not doing what God wants. I won't make a move because I am afraid I will make a mistake and fail. That somehow God didn't already know my short comings.

That's when He told me.

"You are making mistakes and failing every day that I ask you to do something and you don't do it. And the reason you're ok with these mistakes is because no one knows about them and it's easy for you to ignore them."

Ouch.......

God always speaks directly to my heart in a way that changes me forever...........I always had a picture vision of how I see faith. I am on a tall building and below me is thick fog so deep i can't see more than a foot below me and I am supposed to jump. What i don't see beyond that fog is God's lovingly strong arms streched up to catch me and it isn't until I jump that I get to experience His embrace.

So I did it. I jumped out in faith and God caught me. It's scary, it's hard, it's uncomfortable, and it's one of the most beautiful, awesome, crazy, peaceful and joyful things that has ever happened to me. I'm headed towards alot of blind spots with the God who see's it all and will be the light to my feet.